Why I want my kids to think I'm immortal

February 12, 2013

I can clearly remember getting a horrible, sinking feeling of dread as a child if my parents ever showed weakness. It was such a terrible feeling for me that I try to spare my kids from feeling it whenever possible.

My parents have always been healthy and capable of anything or nearly anything. Or so it seemed to their children. There was nothing that they couldn’t make or fix or do. I had a healthy, outdoorsy, homemade childhood that I’m forever grateful for. “Yes we can!” might as well have been the family motto.

However, I was also born into the home of a very sick child. My older brother Robby was terminally ill, and in and out of hospital from the time he was a toddler until he died at age seven. Six years later, my mother had her sixth child, my sister Grace, who was diagnosed with Leukemia as a toddler, was in and out of the hospital, and died at age seven. With all four of my grandparents also passing away by the time I was a teen, death was familiar to me.

My mother once fainted, hit her face on the dresser, and suffered a black eye. She then spent the day in bed and I was kept home from school to take care of her. This was totally unlike her. I appreciated being allowed to take care of her that day: To be permitted to do something about it all was important to me. What was difficult for me was thinking of her as anything but strong and healthy.

The feeling of dread would again rise up anytime my father might say that he was “getting too old for this”. I would feel so disappointed, so let down by these rare glimpses of his mortality. He rarely shows any weakness to this day, as he turns seventy-two, but I regularly make him swear he’ll aim to live to one hundred and twenty.

He and my mother continue to be pillars of strength and can-do-itness. Through her own battle with Cancer, my mother never once wavered. She even called us from the recovery room after having a donut-shaped tumor removed from around her spine to let us know that she was fine, and fighting.

You can imagine that growing up in this way, with the parents that I have, and with the knowledge that life is so very short, has really shaped the way that I parent.

I feel I know what is important, what counts, and I try to keep these things at the top of my list. I work only when my kids are at school or asleep. We turn off the computers and television on Saturdays, all day. We eat together. We do things together after school and on weekends.

On top of this, I consciously try to keep the flashes of my mortality to a minimum. I never say I’m too old for something. I try new things with enthusiasm. I don’t make a big deal about it if I’m ever sick or injured. I push myself physically in front of my kids on a regular basis. I say “yes” rather than “I can’t” or “I don’t feel like it”. I don’t stand at the foot of the tobogganing hill, shivering with a latte in my hand- I run up and down sliding with them like I think I’m fifteen rather than thirty-five. I’m the mother doing judo with her children three times a week, learning new things, and falling down and getting back up again over and over and generally saying “let’s go for it!” with wild abandon.

Why? Because I’m a healthy, able-bodied woman for which I am thankful, and because there really is no reason to make them think about my death right now. I know that will come soon enough- maybe even sooner than I realize. Death is an old familiar foe of mine, true, but he’s also my diligent parenting and life coach, tapping me on the shoulder from time to time to remind me to live like I’m immortal precisely because I am so very mortal. Death has taught me to live: I hope the lesson can be transmitted by example.

In praise of being more of a "slacker mom"

November 20, 2012

It has recently come to my attention that I’m doing it all wrong. Weekday parenting, I mean.

My custom was always to race downtown from work to pick up my kids from school, drag them home on the subway as quickly as possible, and then ignore them/get frustrated with them as I tried to put the mess of the morning away and make a nice dinner, frequently simultaneously answering calls, emails, and texts. They would come up with reasons to interrupt me, including squabbles and out-and-out fights that I had to mediate. 

I owe the revelation to the fact that I missed the registration deadline for the evening music classes that they attend, meaning that the desirable after-school-but-before-dinner time slots were taken, leaving only the less in demand right-at-dinnertime sessions. 

Music lessons are not optional for my brood of two- they would mutiny if I took away their classes, and I of course feel that the music lessons are enriching and vital to their education.  So, full of misgivings, I took a 6pm and a 6:30 time slot on two different evenings for his violin and her piano. 

I developed a plan to eat dinner together at any of the little restaurants near their school, kill time at the library, and then go to my daughter’s lesson that evening. 

The resulting level of contentment among the three of us was amazing. The kids weren’t fighting for my attention. I wasn’t on a frantic, self-imposed deadline to get home and feed everyone, so I was a much calmer, sweeter mama.  The relief my kids were feeling was palpable.  We enjoyed an easy little dinner of sushi, then crossed the street to the library, where I read at least eight picture books to them. 

In good time, we made our way to the music studio. My daughter hugged her music teacher as she always does, and skipped into the lesson with her books, seeming even bouncier than usual. 

While we waited I enjoyed some more time with my son, who seemed less demanding now that his attention cup was full. 

The short trip home was relaxed and peaceful, and they fell into quiet playing until bedtime.

I had discovered something amazing: I needed to do less through the week! Even if that meant that we were eating in restaurants rather than having “proper” homemade meals. 

It’s now mid-November, and we’ve added Judo practice three times a week, for all three of us. The new evening schedule is brilliant, and I only make dinner on Monday, Tuesday, and Friday nights. It’s much more manageable, and I am much less stressed and tired, which has to be a good thing. Just call me Slacker Mom. 

Happy Birthday to Evymama manager Heidi!

August 14, 2012

 

You may have met my better half already?

My “work spouse”, my retail partner-in-crime, my friend, my store manager: Heidi McDonald.

I have yet to speak to anyone who does not like Heidi. She is the most intelligent, affable, thoughtful, efficient, and naturally helpful woman I have ever had the pleasure of knowing.

I have been fortunate enough to work with her daily (and nightly- we talk endlessly on the phone) these last five years, and I’m certain that I’ve personally been improved by mere proximity to her.

I am confident enough in her rock-solid character to say with full certainty that if you’ve ever met her at one of my shops, you’ve seen us at our very, very best.

Her birthday is today, August 14th, and I love her (yes, I love my colleague) enough to be thanking my lucky stars for throwing us together. (Thank you stars!)

In honour of Heidi I am today donating $1000.00 to La Leche League Canada, a not-for-profit, volunteer-run breastfeeding support  organization that embodies Heidi’s love for her fellow mother, her belief in breastfeeding, and her spirit of helpfulness.

Thank you Heidi, for all that you do for Evymama and the community of mothers that we serve. What would we do without you? 


Sarah LeMay-Kaplan 

President, Evymama Nursing & Maternity

Pretty nursing bras for DD+ cup mothers? How our sizing works.

July 26, 2012

Evymama is the solution for the woman who loves lingerie,and is brestfeeding, no matter her bra size! Yes, we have pretty bras for women who wear a DD+ cup. We also have enough bra-fitting expertise to know that DD is NOT the biggest size available!

Many mothers are surprised to hear their actual bra size when they visit Evymama for a fitting. For many women, their first trip to Evymama is the first time they've ever been properly fitted for a bra, nursing bra or otherwise. 

Being an F cup or a G cup or even a K cup does not imply that you are "a plus size". It basically works in this way: the greater the difference between your ribcage and the fullest part of your bust, the higher the letter will be. 

Another important thing to note about our sizing is that we do not use double letters in our calculations. As many breastfeeding bra manufacturers use double letters, while others do not, it can become a confusing mess to size patrons. We have developed a standard sizing system, with the manufacturer's size in brackets, and our own assigned size beside that. It works! 

We have in-stock nursing bras up to M cup size. We can also order certain bras in higher than M cup sizes. Please inquire. 

And if you ARE a mother with a full cup size, you will probably like one of these options: 

http://evymama.ca/collections/nursing-bras-1/products/cake-lingerie-licorice-nursing-maternity-flexiwire-bra

http://evymama.ca/products/cake-lingerie-blue-cheesecake-nursing-maternity-bra

http://evymama.ca/products/hotmilk-her-tangled-web-tantalised-nursing-maternity-bra-b-cup-to-k-cup

http://evymama.ca/products/royce-lauren-nursing-maternity-bra-b-cup-to-j-cup

http://evymama.ca/products/cake-lingerie-velvet-delight-balconette-nursing-bra-e-cup-to-h-cup


Happy nursing! 


Sarah & The Evymama Team









Shopping for maternity clothes- a guide in two parts

February 07, 2012

Shopping for a new maternity wear wardrobe can be daunting and confusing. To demystify the maternity wear shopping process for pregnant women, here are my suggestions as a mother of two, and as a maternity boutique retailer, to make the process more enjoyable, more beautiful, and more efficient.


Begin your maternity wear shopping when your lingerie (especially your bras) are becoming uncomfortable in any way, and/or when your trousersand skirts are getting snug.

Why? Correctly fitted nursing-maternity bras will not only save you from discomfort, but will save you from possibly doing damage to your growing breasts. And ill-fitting pants and skirts were not attractive when you weren't pregnant, and the same holds true(r) when you are pregnant!

I do not recommend using safety pins, rubber bands, or other makeshift contraptions to keep your unbuttoned trousers up, unless said item is a BellaBand. BellaBands are an adequate stop-gap for the period in-between regular-pants-that-will-not-and-should-not-close, and maternity pants. All other items leave you in danger of a wardrobe malfunction. (Getting poked by safety pins in your tender belly is probably not something that you want to try). Do keep in mind however that the BellaBand is just a temporary solution. It's not the pregnancy wardrobe "magic bullet" that some might suggest it is.

In addition to the improved appearance of maternity bottoms that fit, over your regular ones that do not fit at the moment, is the comfort factor. The skin on your belly needs tender attention, and chaffing waist bands (or safety pins!) will not be helpful in that regard. Begin using at this stage a pregnant belly salve, lotion or oil designed for pregnancy and which preferably does not contain chemicals or ingredients that you would not find in an organic grocery store. It will spare you itchiness and discomfort down the road as the skin on your abdomen grows taught. The jury is still out (I feel) on whether these creams will actually reduce the incidence of stretch marks, however!

Correctly fitted nursing-maternity bras will not only save you from discomfort, but will save you from doing possible damage to your growing breasts. I strongly suggest visiting Evymama for your breastfeeding brassieres if you live in, near, or are just visiting Toronto, not only because it is my business but because I know that the Evymamas will take good care of you. Of this, and a few other things in life I am sure. For others in urban centres having a shop with a wide selection of nursing bras and a competent staff, go there. If you live in a remote area, I do not suggest going to the local department store or mall-chain maternity shop without at minimum consulting our bra fitting guidefirst, as you will undoubtedly leave with the wrong size- and not by any fault of your own. You will be quite, quite alone in making your choices in one of those stores, and they (strangely) are unlikely to carry your size, no matterwhat that size may be (more on this another time- it's really a fascinating phenomenon!) I will not trouble to comment too much on the selection of nursing bras in big box stores. Suffice to say that the nursing bras at Evymama are superior in quality, size range, and appearance. I say this without boasting. It would be difficult to do worse than they do. Truly, if you live in a remote area, I humbly suggest shopping for your nursing bras in our online boutique, evymama.ca. We offer phone support for long-distance customers in addition to our online bra fitting guide, and one free return ship!

Please do not, under any circumstances, buy regular, non-maternity clothing in "a size up".

Unless your intention is to spend good money on clothes that absolutely do not and will not at any stage fit you, do not do this. People may advise you to do this. I won't say anything about those people, except that they are giving out advice that they aren't qualified to give.

Although the reasons NOT to do this will be obvious to many, they might not be obvious to one and all. Let's look at what we know about regular clothing "in a size up" against what we know is happening with your body.

Clothing that is too large for you is just that. It is large in the shoulders, at the neck, at the small of your back, in the arms, in the crotch, and in the leg. (And yes, at the waist, but not large enough for your purposes.)

Fortunately, you will likely not be carrying a child in your throat, shoulders, or knees. Your breasts will grow, yes, quite a bit. You may swell a little in the arms and face and elsewhere. Your child and his entourage of placenta and waters, and your uterus, will grow massively. If your purpose was merely to cover your pregnant belly with some form of clothing, you would need to wear regular clothes "in four sizes up" to be "successful" in your endeavour (if such a thing could be considered a success by anyone but your enemies.)

When your waist has vanished, you will come to appreciate your lovely shoulders, your neck, your rib cage, your fabulous legs (your hair, your nails...) Why would anyone hide these features under yards and yards of improperly cut (I should say improperly selected) clothing?

I beg you not to do it. It's wasteful and misguided. You will have to buy a maternity wardrobe as well, in the end.

Coming up next: Blissful maternity shopping and dressing: what to buy, when, and why, Part II.

What's so great about nursing tops?

August 09, 2010

We frequently get asked this question at Evymama! We have all loved having nursing tops and breastfeeding- friendly dresses to wear out and around the house with our nursing kids. Here are some of our favourite reasons for wearing nursing clothing.


When you have a hungry child who needs a feed, there is nothing faster to open with one hand than a good nursing top or nursing dress!

Nothing is easier than nursing your child in the carrier while wearing a great feeding top. Talk about multi-tasking! Shop, chat on the phone, nurse, and walk the dog all at the same time. You can feed right in the middle of your mother-and-child fitness class! Almost all of the Evymamas have worked at the boutique while wearing a baby in a sling, often feeding them at the same time.

If you're breastfeeding twins, or are a new mother, a nursing top will keep you warm and covered as you tackle the tougher task of latching nursing multiples or a new baby.

Many Canadian mothers prefer not to lift their tops up in the cold air that we have for 3/4 of the year!

Other mothers don't want to lift a regular shirt up and expose a postpartum tummy that they might prefer not to flash around.

Other moms still don't want to show any skin at all. For these moms, the best solution is a nursing top or dress. They give the best coverage, and don't get in baby's way as much as a nursing cover does.

Fashion! Our breastfeeding tops and dresses are so cute that people who aren't even nursing want to wear them (and do!) We have a great selection of organic nursing tops and dresses, Canadian-made and designed nursing wear, and other stylish clothing for nursing mothers.